I haven't yet, and didn't have any specific plans to.
I usually try to hold onto it until the trial, just to minimize the chaos, but... [ Well, last week that clearly isn't how things went down, so obviously she's flexible. ] I don't mind using it earlier.
Hah, I think a lot of us save ours up for trial...
[FLASHING BACK TO SATURDAY... He tires. Even their Minimal Chaos™ is still Maximum Chaos™, honestly. But he'll turn around after that, setting the spoon down briefly.]
I don't need anything right this moment, but I may need your help later. I'd like to ask you to reserve its use this week, if that wouldn't be too much trouble.
[THEY ARE OF THE SAME MIND, THERE. He shakes his head.]
The ones that cause such loud disruptions can certainly be left out! [Please he is so tired of het drama.
As for that, he nods.]
Thank you. [Escha is a true pal. After a considering beat:] For now, I'll have to keep that to myself. I'll ask you to do the same with my request - but don't worry, I'm not about to go off and get a limb cut off or anything.
[ Her expression falls. She doesn't like not even knowing what she's helping with and having favors asked without explanations... It's not even that she's curious. It just makes her sad.
[Oh, no... His usual levels of exuberance falters a little - rather, he falters a little - when he sees that. The kettle whistles; he pulls it off and sets it to the side before turning to face her again.]
...I'm sorry, Escha. I would tell you right now if I could. And if anything comes of it, I will as soon as I can. It's not that I don't trust you or that I don't want to say anything.
[He wants to make that clear, at least. He doesn't trust anyone in this camp more than he trusts the people from his ship. He adores them and would do anything at all for Escha, Taako, Tonbokiri and Dick, as long as it's within his power to do so. It leaves a bitter taste to think that any of them might believe he wouldn't, even in small ways.]
[ And because Escha is Not Actually Very Good at bottling up these kinds of feelings... After a short pause as if she had finished talking, she continues. ]
I just keep thinking about Beau and her friend, and how frustrating that whole situation was. But I was serious when I agreed to the pact we made. If it was for any of you, I...
[ Would do a lot of things.
She shakes her head. ]
... Um, not that I think you'd do anything bad. Or like my power could even be used to help with anything bad?
So - I'll still do it. I'm happy to.
[ And that's true. She's always at her happiest when she can be of use to someone. She is just having a lot of Trust and Friendship emotions after last weekend. ]
[Oh are they having emotion hours right now IT'S EMOTION HOURS. There's a second - just... a fraction of a second where his expression folds, like it's devastating to hear something like this, because--]
Hah - you're too good to me, you know? I really don't know what in the world I've done in this or any life to deserve the four of you.
[Which he says on a breath of a laugh with a quirking grin, but it's a good thing they aren't touching because BOY they'd both be having a depressos time right now if they were. He looks like he wants to, though. Like he wants to reach out and give her a hug, because he's a very tactile person who expresses his affections best like that.]
Thank you. ...For helping too, but - for... [For saying such kind things about him. For thinking so charitably. For making him feel like he can really believe she'd be there for him, no matter what, in spite of his miserable self-worth.] --Just, thank you.
[He gets attached easily and he loves deeply, but he never expects the same. None of them really know how much it means to him to have their trust and affections reaffirmed, when he hadn't even been sure any of them would miss him all that much if he died, weeks ago. Yeehaw the joys of self-esteem that is in the dirt like a radish!!]
--Anyway. I want to make it clear too, that if you ever need to lean on me for any reason, for anything at all - don't hesitate. I also meant what I said, and I mean that, too.
[ Escha reflexively shakes her head at the praise and the gratitude - but at least it's more out of being habitually polite than actual insecurity. Maybe. ]
I'm not too good to you - I haven't even done anything, yet. And most of the time I don't even know what I can do for anyone. That's why I really am happy that you'd come to me at all.
Even if it's complicated, and even if this place makes things difficult... We'll rely on each other. That's the best way to go about things.
[ But in the end, Escha can never imagine asking for anything but trust. ]
... I just don't want to be surprised, I guess. Like Beau was.
["Maybe." (me looking at these thots and their mile long lists of personal issues)
It's funny, how a set of words can hurt and comfort at the same time. He hates asking anything of others. He hates taking more than the very barest minimum, and always feels burdensome when he does. But he loves that it's a possibility. To have people to cherish who also cherish you is a wonderful thing.]
Mm... It is. Even with this place being the way it is, and even though I wish you didn't have to go through this - I'm glad that you're here.
[The last bit has him nodding though, with a grim sort of understanding. PHEW BEAU AND NIE HUAISANG... He pours their tea and carries the cups over, holding Escha's out to her with care.]
--I'll do everything I can to keep any surprises from you. The last thing I want is to see you hurt like that.
[He would personally fuckin die if he ever saw any of his thots in that level of pain, honestly.]
Edited (THIRD TIMES THE CHARM???) 2020-07-07 09:36 (UTC)
[ Ironically it's exactly people's kindness that Escha easily misinterprets. She's a workaholic, and at its core, her work is to help people. When she can't do that she feels lost - but to have people rely on her is what gives her affirmation and what makes her happiest. What makes her feel like she matters to them.
She takes the cup, and unless he avoids it, allows their fingers to touch on purpose. Because it isn't a lie that she's happy he asked her; she feels strangely grateful for the opportunity to be useful. This seems like the easiest way to convey that gratitude.
Even if there is that undercurrent that she's sure everyone has, now - of apprehension and sadness that any of this needs to be so complicated at all. She made a point of talking to him about those feelings, so they aren't a secret. ]
[im fuckin crying. also terrible that their love languages are exact opposites.
He almost pulls away reflexively when he can tell they're about to touch, but... he trusts Escha. And trust means sometimes, you let yourself be a little vulnerable. So he lets their fingers brush and takes in the feeling of gratitude, and he takes the apprehension and the sadness, too, and treats them all like the gifts they are.
In exchange, she gets-- a sensation of awe, and of deep affection and gratitude in kind. Determination. Bone-deep exhaustion, below. Something aching and hollow. And then a bubble-burst of fond amusement, light and bright, when she speaks again.]
Hah! I promised that I wouldn't tease you, didn't I? Ah - let me get the apples.
[Which are smellin' like autumn up in this kitchen. He'll plate them up and bring them over, plopping down so he can sit close by.]
[ Escha draws back with a smile. An effect like this is kind of a comfort. Even if he won't explain - sharing emotions for a moment, and him being willing to... That helps to put her at ease. And it helps her to know that her feelings have been conveyed, even if she wasn't sure of the right words.
And of course, the smile widens when he brings apples near. ]
[Sometimes words just don't work as well as cursed touches that convey emotion perfectly, it's fine, it happens. He huffs out a little amused laugh, setting down a couple of forks.]
You think? I hope they taste just as good then, even if they're no apple cheesecake, hah. [They're rusting but you can't really go wrong with apples and cinnamon and sugar, huh?]
—Ah! Will you tell me a little about your home now, maybe? About that camping thing you were talking about?
[I MEANT TO TYPE RUSTIC NOT RUSTING, THIS APPLE DISH IS NOT RUSTING oh my god.
Anyway he just laughs loudly and brightly at that. Who is he to argue with her indignation??]
Alright, alright! I won't. Let me know what you think, mm? [And as far as where to start:] Why don't you tell me your favorite camping story? The best place you've ever gone, or the best thing you've found, or the funniest thing that's happened - something like that.
To be honest, not a lot happens when we go out, so there aren't that many interesting stories.
But I guess my favorite time we did was the first time. Sometimes when we need to gather materials, it can take a few days to reach them, and when we first started out, we didn't have an airship, and none of the others were coming with us, yet.
Logy and I had only just met, so things were still a little bit awkward, and we were both still very shy. But it was still so comfortable, just sitting by the campfire beneath the stars together.
[ Escha: you know. like friends! ]
When I think about it now, most of the materials we gathered were a pretty poor quality. I didn't have a good eye for them, yet.
[It takes every bone in his body to not tease Escha because he said he wouldn't tease Escha but he is like STRAINING TO HOLD HIMSELF BACK.]
Ah! I see... That does sound nice. A little break from the hustle and bustle of everything, mm? And a nice place to spend a bit of time, in general! Even better - you can look back on it and see how much you've improved at your craft, hah.
[ Thankfully, since Escha does not think anything of what she said, she remains oblivious to his struggle. ]
Yes...! The materials we can find now are of such a higher quality - it's almost hard to believe that anyone accepted the items I was making when I first started working.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Have you used your ability this week yet? Or have any plans to?
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I usually try to hold onto it until the trial, just to minimize the chaos, but... [ Well, last week that clearly isn't how things went down, so obviously she's flexible. ] I don't mind using it earlier.
What did you need?
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[FLASHING BACK TO SATURDAY... He tires. Even their Minimal Chaos™ is still Maximum Chaos™, honestly. But he'll turn around after that, setting the spoon down briefly.]
I don't need anything right this moment, but I may need your help later. I'd like to ask you to reserve its use this week, if that wouldn't be too much trouble.
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[ hhh. But she shakes her head. ]
I'll think of it as on reserve for you unless something big comes up, but... What's going on?
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The ones that cause such loud disruptions can certainly be left out! [Please he is so tired of het drama.
As for that, he nods.]
Thank you. [Escha is a true pal. After a considering beat:] For now, I'll have to keep that to myself. I'll ask you to do the same with my request - but don't worry, I'm not about to go off and get a limb cut off or anything.
[WHY IS THAT WHAT HE JUMPS TO.]
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But. she sighs. ]
Okay.
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...I'm sorry, Escha. I would tell you right now if I could. And if anything comes of it, I will as soon as I can. It's not that I don't trust you or that I don't want to say anything.
[He wants to make that clear, at least. He doesn't trust anyone in this camp more than he trusts the people from his ship. He adores them and would do anything at all for Escha, Taako, Tonbokiri and Dick, as long as it's within his power to do so. It leaves a bitter taste to think that any of them might believe he wouldn't, even in small ways.]
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[ And because Escha is Not Actually Very Good at bottling up these kinds of feelings... After a short pause as if she had finished talking, she continues. ]
I just keep thinking about Beau and her friend, and how frustrating that whole situation was. But I was serious when I agreed to the pact we made. If it was for any of you, I...
[ Would do a lot of things.
She shakes her head. ]
... Um, not that I think you'd do anything bad. Or like my power could even be used to help with anything bad?
So - I'll still do it. I'm happy to.
[ And that's true. She's always at her happiest when she can be of use to someone. She is just having a lot of Trust and Friendship emotions after last weekend. ]
this hurt me WHYMST
Hah - you're too good to me, you know? I really don't know what in the world I've done in this or any life to deserve the four of you.
[Which he says on a breath of a laugh with a quirking grin, but it's a good thing they aren't touching because BOY they'd both be having a depressos time right now if they were. He looks like he wants to, though. Like he wants to reach out and give her a hug, because he's a very tactile person who expresses his affections best like that.]
Thank you. ...For helping too, but - for... [For saying such kind things about him. For thinking so charitably. For making him feel like he can really believe she'd be there for him, no matter what, in spite of his miserable self-worth.] --Just, thank you.
[He gets attached easily and he loves deeply, but he never expects the same. None of them really know how much it means to him to have their trust and affections reaffirmed, when he hadn't even been sure any of them would miss him all that much if he died, weeks ago. Yeehaw the joys of self-esteem that is in the dirt like a radish!!]
--Anyway. I want to make it clear too, that if you ever need to lean on me for any reason, for anything at all - don't hesitate. I also meant what I said, and I mean that, too.
suffer
I'm not too good to you - I haven't even done anything, yet. And most of the time I don't even know what I can do for anyone. That's why I really am happy that you'd come to me at all.
Even if it's complicated, and even if this place makes things difficult... We'll rely on each other. That's the best way to go about things.
[ But in the end, Escha can never imagine asking for anything but trust. ]
... I just don't want to be surprised, I guess. Like Beau was.
deep frown
It's funny, how a set of words can hurt and comfort at the same time. He hates asking anything of others. He hates taking more than the very barest minimum, and always feels burdensome when he does. But he loves that it's a possibility. To have people to cherish who also cherish you is a wonderful thing.]
Mm... It is. Even with this place being the way it is, and even though I wish you didn't have to go through this - I'm glad that you're here.
[The last bit has him nodding though, with a grim sort of understanding. PHEW BEAU AND NIE HUAISANG... He pours their tea and carries the cups over, holding Escha's out to her with care.]
--I'll do everything I can to keep any surprises from you. The last thing I want is to see you hurt like that.
[He would personally fuckin die if he ever saw any of his thots in that level of pain, honestly.]
1/2
She takes the cup, and unless he avoids it, allows their fingers to touch on purpose. Because it isn't a lie that she's happy he asked her; she feels strangely grateful for the opportunity to be useful. This seems like the easiest way to convey that gratitude.
Even if there is that undercurrent that she's sure everyone has, now - of apprehension and sadness that any of this needs to be so complicated at all. She made a point of talking to him about those feelings, so they aren't a secret. ]
2/2
I'm going to feel very silly if this turns out to just be a prank you're pulling on someone.
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He almost pulls away reflexively when he can tell they're about to touch, but... he trusts Escha. And trust means sometimes, you let yourself be a little vulnerable. So he lets their fingers brush and takes in the feeling of gratitude, and he takes the apprehension and the sadness, too, and treats them all like the gifts they are.
In exchange, she gets-- a sensation of awe, and of deep affection and gratitude in kind. Determination. Bone-deep exhaustion, below. Something aching and hollow. And then a bubble-burst of fond amusement, light and bright, when she speaks again.]
Hah! I promised that I wouldn't tease you, didn't I? Ah - let me get the apples.
[Which are smellin' like autumn up in this kitchen. He'll plate them up and bring them over, plopping down so he can sit close by.]
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And of course, the smile widens when he brings apples near. ]
They smell soooo good.
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You think? I hope they taste just as good then, even if they're no apple cheesecake, hah. [They're rusting but you can't really go wrong with apples and cinnamon and sugar, huh?]
—Ah! Will you tell me a little about your home now, maybe? About that camping thing you were talking about?
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[ All Desserts Are Queens, Wuxian!!! For some reason she seems very genuinely indignant about that. ]
... Sure. I never know where to start, though.
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Anyway he just laughs loudly and brightly at that. Who is he to argue with her indignation??]
Alright, alright! I won't. Let me know what you think, mm? [And as far as where to start:] Why don't you tell me your favorite camping story? The best place you've ever gone, or the best thing you've found, or the funniest thing that's happened - something like that.
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But I guess my favorite time we did was the first time. Sometimes when we need to gather materials, it can take a few days to reach them, and when we first started out, we didn't have an airship, and none of the others were coming with us, yet.
Logy and I had only just met, so things were still a little bit awkward, and we were both still very shy. But it was still so comfortable, just sitting by the campfire beneath the stars together.
[ Escha: you know. like friends! ]
When I think about it now, most of the materials we gathered were a pretty poor quality. I didn't have a good eye for them, yet.
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Ah! I see... That does sound nice. A little break from the hustle and bustle of everything, mm? And a nice place to spend a bit of time, in general! Even better - you can look back on it and see how much you've improved at your craft, hah.
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Yes...! The materials we can find now are of such a higher quality - it's almost hard to believe that anyone accepted the items I was making when I first started working.
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Well! We all have to start somewhere, right? You're probably just being a little harsh on yourself too, since it was your own work, hah.
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Anyway that makes her smile. ]
Yeah, maybe.
I should just be happy about how far I've come.
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Exactly so! It's always wonderful to see progress as it unfolds. What better measuring stick to stand against, mm?
[He says this because he's the exact same way, always looking at his past work and being like WOW HOW WAS THAT EVER ACCEPTED.]
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I wish I could show my mom. All of the things I can do and all of the things I've made.
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