Not Again | Catch All for Lili

[applechemist]

shitpost someday maybe

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[coastal]

[ . . . there's just a little huff.]

... I had attendants?

Back home. They were both very effective, and very beautiful. They would sometimes stop me from being reckless, but... they would let me do what I thought was needed.

I think I just boss people around the same way.

[applechemist]

[ Escha laughs weakly. ]

You sound like my boss.

[coastal]

... so you're used to cleaning up after people's messes, huh?

[she sounds tired but

at least it's in good humor]

[applechemist]

I don't consider it that way, no.

[ but also: yes? ]

[coastal]

That's probably because you're a nice person.

[applechemist]

[ Escha's smile goes a little... Vacant. ]

I wonder about that.

[coastal]

[ . . . . hm?]

... Escha?

[applechemist]

[ Escha shakes her head. Haha, just some fun casual self-loathing! ]

... It's nothing. Today has just been... A lot, that's all.

[coastal]

[STOP]

... you and Flayn both do this...

Are you sure you're alright? I don't tolerate lies or half-truths.

[applechemist]

[ ... Escha's tail sticks up! ]

I'm alright.

Feeling a little insecure, but it doesn't have to be something that worries you...!

[ she has decided to take the Direct Approach. ]

[coastal]

[the Direct Approach is the best one with lili, who slams into things with all the finesse of a wild boar]

What're you insecure over?

[applechemist]

[ ... ]

I guess just... How useful I am?

[coastal]

... you and Flayn really both fixate over the same thing.

[ . . . ]

What gives you the impression that you're not useful? You help wherever you can, don't you?

[applechemist]

[ Escha nods... slowly...

but does not look at all comforted by that. ]

[coastal]

[ . . . . ]

You want results, right?

[she can... understand. empathize.]

... yeah. I want results from me too.

[applechemist]

I think it's more like...

I want proof that I'm doing the right thing. I don't mind if it takes a long, long time to see any results. If I could just know that I'm on the right path.

[coastal]

[ . . . . huh.]

.... what makes you think that you could be wrong?

[applechemist]

I don't know. I guess it's just instinctive.

[coastal]

Have you considered ignoring it?

... or you can get advice from anyone else - Akira or Dick might be good at this - but... I don't know if what I'm doing is technically right, either.

But it's what I think is right, and I'm too stubborn to give up.

[applechemist]

I don't know Akira that well. And... I really don't want to bother Dick. I think I've bothered him enough, so... I'd like it if I could at least give him a break from dealing with my problems.

[ she shakes her head. ]

... I'll just do my best. In the end, that's all any of us can do.

[coastal]

[ . . . . ]

While I agree with that - you should still be supported through your problems.

And before this gets turned around on me like it always is....

I have Kara.

[and like. her friends. but she acknowledges there are some parts of her emotional breakdowns that go straight to boyfriend duty]

[applechemist]

[ Escha laughs lightly, and it's very clearly forced, like she's just trying to put Lili at ease.

There are certain kinds of support that are supposed to come from certain people. She understands that perfectly well. For Escha it's just that her person isn't - awake. ]

You're right.

[coastal]

[she squints.]

You say I'm right, but you laugh like I'm wrong.

If you disagree with me, at least have the decency to say so.

[applechemist]

No - I don't... [ she's not sure she wants to get into this with Lili, but she also isn't very good at holding her thoughts back. ] I don't think you're wrong.

Just think about if... If Ookurikara were one of the ones sleeping. He would still be the person that you're supposed to turn to. It would be strange for you to turn to anyone else. Wouldn't it?

[coastal]

[ . . . . she thinks about that for a moment, before tilting her head.]

... when I died in the village, the two of us were separated. For a few weeks. So... I wasn't able to really talk to him, except for a few short messages each week.

I just talked to Tsurumaru instead, because he's the one who was around.

[ . . . ]

You're talking about your coworker, right?